


Jealousy's the magic word

by Moonlight511



Category: The Expendables (Movies)
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Kiss, Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:14:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29379768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonlight511/pseuds/Moonlight511
Summary: Barney thinks making Lee jealous might help him realise that he's actually in love with Barney. Not the best plan Barney's ever had, but it's worth a try, right?
Relationships: Lee Christmas/Barney Ross
Kudos: 18





	Jealousy's the magic word

**Author's Note:**

> It continues, I don't know why I'm suddenly able to write stuff, but it just happens.. I'm sorry :D

“You can’t be serious” 

“Come on, Maggie. I need your help with this,” Barney’s voice sounded almost pleading, but he didn’t care. 

“This is the stupidest idea ever,” Maggie watched him closely, her brows drawn together, “you don’t really think this is gonna work, right?” 

“I know him, this will work,” Barney wasn’t as sure as he pretended to be, but he really needed Maggie to help him, so he had to convince her. 

“Okay, so let me get this straight.. even though there is nothing straight about this.” Barney rolled his eyes at her, but she just shrugged and carried on, “you’re trying to hook up with Lee, who you’re not even sure is gay. And you wanna accomplish this by making him jealous. With a woman. What the fuck, Barney? I get why everybody always hates on your plans” 

“It’s not a bad plan. And neither are all my other plans. But that’s really not the point. You gonna help me?”

“Why me?” 

“Because you’re the only one who ever guessed that I might be into him,” Barney paused for a moment, before he continued, “besides I noticed he doesn’t like you very much.” 

“We like each other just fine, thank you.” 

Barney rolled his eyes, “what I meant was that I noticed he tends to get annoyed when I talk to you.” 

“Huh..,” she seemed to think about it, “okay. Let’s do this.” Maggie held out her hand, apparently wanting to seal their deal with a handshake, Barney laughed at her, but shook her hand anyway. 

Barney knew this probably wasn’t a good idea, but it was the only one he had. He felt like this was the only at least half-decent chance to find out if Lee might be interested in him the same way Barney was interested in him. Both of them were difficult personalities, but they still kind of hit it off right from the start. He had instantly liked Lee’s no-bullshit attitude and even though they wouldn’t admit it, they were quite similar. They became friends pretty quick and were probably even best friends, even though they wouldn’t admit that either. It took Barney long enough to realize that he might be more than a friend. 

But here he was. Asking Maggie, the only woman that kind of hit on him for at least two years, but also the only woman he was at least kind of friends with, to help him make Lee jealous. Even thinking about it, it sounded so ridiculous that he couldn’t believe he really wanted to go through with it. But this was his first and last try. If Lee wouldn’t go for it, Barney would drop it and that would be it. 

A few days after Barney convinced Maggie to help him they spent the evening at the bar after working a one-day job. Barney and Lee leaned at the counter, when Maggie approached, stopping at Barney’s side. 

“Hey Barney, good job out there today,” she smiled up at him. 

“Thanks, Mags,” he smiled back before he leaned down to her and whispered, “thanks for doing this.”, inaudible for Lee. 

When Barney straightened, Maggie was about to walk away again, but Barney spoke again, “you’re looking good tonight.” She looked over her shoulder and winked at him before she made her way over to the table where the others were seated. 

Lee waited a few moments before he turned to look at Barney questioningly, “what’s up with you and Maggie?” 

“You said it yourself, she seems to be into me.” Barney shrugged. 

“And you said it yourself, that you didn’t care..,” Lee sounded irritated. 

“Thought maybe changing my mind wouldn’t hurt. She’s a good catch.” 

“Yeah,” Lee snorted, “and about twenty-five years too young for you.” 

“Come on, let me have some fun.” 

“That was way too much information."

“That’s not.. Christmas!” But Lee was already gone, making his way over to their table as well. 

Barney turned around, bracing himself on the counter. He wasn’t sure if their conversation meant his plan was working or not, but it certainly didn’t feel good. He straightened again and was about to order another beer, when Maggie appeared at his side.

“Someone rushed off real quick. Think it’s working?”

“Sure, that was the whole plan,” Barney tried to sound assured. 

“But you didn’t calculate it would feel shitty, right?” Maggie couldn't hide her grin now. 

“How are you so smart again?” 

“Well, that’s why you fake date me, right?” She winked at him, “don’t worry, Barney.” 

He just shook his head at her amused. 

On Thursday the team is gathered at the hangar, preparing their next mission. They were already done loading the plane, but most of them stuck around for a few beers. Gunnar, Toll, Barney and Lee were seated on cargo boxes when Maggie and Caesar joined them. Caesar took a seat next to Toll and Lee, but Maggie didn’t sit down. 

She looked around but her gaze stopped at Lee, when she said, “I need to borrow Barney for a second.” 

“What for?” Lee seemed to be annoyed, so Barney stepped in, “Lee, it’s okay.. I’ll be back.”

When Barney got up and followed Maggie out of the hangar, Caesar leaned over to Lee, “she really makes a habit out of running off with him, huh?” 

“I don’t care,” Lee huffed but his reaction said something else entirely. 

Lee and Barney were the last one’s leaving the hangar, Lee already put on his helmet and sat on his Ducati, waiting for Barney to lock up. Before Barney could climb into his truck, Lee stopped him, “hey Barney?”

“Yeah?” He turned around, waiting for Lee to carry on. 

“Could you please not bring your relationship to work with you?” 

“Oh, come on,” Barney held up his hands in defense, “it’s not like we’re dating or anything. We just get along quite well.” 

“Yeah, I can see that. And I never asked for it.” 

“Is there something you wanna say, Christmas?” He watched Lee carefully. 

“Just.. tone it down a notch, okay?” And with this he started his Ducati and drove off leaving Barney standing there all dressed up and nowhere to go. 

When he got home half an hour later, he didn’t even bother to take off his shoes or jacket before he pulled out his phone and called Maggie. 

“Barney?” She answered after only a few rings. 

“He told me to ‘tone it down a notch’ as if we would be making out all the time.” 

“Hello to you, too.” 

Barney could practically hear her roll her eyes, “sorry. Hey Maggie.” 

“That sounds like he took the bait. Talk to him.” 

“Not yet..” 

“Barney, you’re gonna make it worse. Just.. talk. Please?” 

“How many words did you hear Christmas say since you’re with us? More than ten? I doubt it..” 

“I don’t know. Most of the time I don’t understand what he’s saying. I’m just assuming those are words.” 

Barney laughed out loud at her comment. 

“Hey, don’t laugh. You’re even worse sometimes.” 

“Ouch,” Barney pressed his hand to his heart, even though she couldn’t see it “that hurt.” 

“Sure,” there doubtlessly was another eyeroll before she spoke on, “just promise me you’re gonna talk to him.” 

Barney smiled, “yeah. Thanks Maggie!” 

He hung up and somehow he had a better feeling about their plan than he’d had ever before.

  
  


As so often the team spent their evening at their local bar. Lee sat at their table as well as Caesar and Toll. Gunnar and Doc were practically hitting each other with their cues instead of playing billiard and Maggie and Barney stood at the bar, apparently having a pretty funny conversation, which made Lee frown even more than usual. He just sat there grumpingly shooting daggers at Barney’s back. Not that Barney would notice, or care, but it made Lee feel at least a little bit better. 

“Who pissed in your beer?” Toll interrupted Lee’s thoughts.

“Seriously, what does he think he’s doing?” he nodded in the general direction of Barney and Maggie. He probably shouldn’t say anything, but he didn’t care right now.  
“I don’t know. Didn’t think he would go for it.. even though it was obvious Maggie liked him.”  
“When did all this happen?” Toll couldn't decide if Lee sounded confused, angry or just pissed off.  
“She practically said as much when we waited for you to finally get the damn supplies from the plane in bulgaria.” 

Lee just huffed in response. 

Toll watched Maggie and Barney thoughtfully, “she’s a bit young though, isn’t she?” 

“I really don’t care!” Lee took a sip of his beer, looking everywhere but the bar. 

“But he seems to care if you care.” 

Lee’s head jolted up at that, staring at Toll, “what the hell are you talking about?” 

“He watches you more than he looks at Maggie.. while he’s talking to her.” 

“What..?”

“Just saying.. Maybe he’s waiting for your permission. But then again your taste in women is terrible.” With that Toll almost jumped out of his chair before Lee could stab him. 

Lee just sat there, looking at the chair as if Toll was still there, utterly confused. Toll must have missed a few of his therapy sessions, Barney surely wasn’t searching for his allowance. But no matter how many times he tried to tell himself just that, he couldn’t stop thinking about it, so he decided to form his own opinion. He got up, pretending to need the loo and watched Barney’s reactions while he stood up and when he came back. At least Toll was right that he seemed to watch Lee quite closely. When Lee returned from the restroom he deliberately chose another chair. From this new point of view he would be able to observe Barney while he was half-hidden behind Gunnar who had joined Caesar and Toll at the table.

Lee hated to admit that Toll was right, but it was true, Barney repeatedly looked this way and then it clicked. 

Lee wasn’t sure if he should be fucking pissed or laugh out loud, but he definitly wanted to slap Barney across the face. How could he have been so stupid to believe that Barney was really suddenly interested in Maggie when before he spoke at length about not liking her and not even wanting to like her like that. Then again how should Lee have known that Barney would try and make him jealous? Sure, it worked, but that didn’t mean it had been a good plan. 

In a way better mood, Lee made his way to the bar to order another beer. He reached up his bottle for the bartender to see and then came to stand in front of Barney and Maggie. 

He patted Barney on the shoulder, greeting him, before turning to look at Maggie, “hey Maggie, looking good tonight. Did you cut your hair?” 

She was absolutely relaxed as if that wouldn’t have been the nicest thing anyone ever heard Christmas say, “Yeah, I did. Nice of you to notice.” 

Barney couldn’t help but awkwardly look from one to another as if his colleagues turned into aliens, he had no clue what just happened. 

When Lee’s beer arrived, he took it and turned around, but before walking away he looked over his shoulder, calling, “have fun, you two!” 

It took Barney a few minutes until he was back in reality and processed their conversation. “Come on,” he hissed at Maggie, hardly resisting the urge to pull her out of the bar. 

When they were outside, the fresh air did nothing to clear Barney’s head, “what the fuck did just happen?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about..”

“Maggie!” Barney warned. 

“I don’t know. Lee seems to think two can play at that game. I think it’s time for you to talk it out.” 

Barney just groaned. 

Maggie smiled at him, “It was nice fake-dating you, Barney. But please talk to him already.” She kissed him on the cheek before she went back inside, leaving him standing there.

Without a second thought he went home, he couldn’t face Lee again before he would have decided what to do. 

The next morning Barney was still none the wiser, but at least their next mission was a few days away so he could lay low a little and dodge Lee. But, of course, Barney reckoned without his host and Lee called him first thing in the morning. He considered ignoring him, but Lee would know that something was up and Barney wasn’t exactly a coward - _even though Maggie probably would argue._

“Christmas, what’s up?” 

“Could ask you the same. You’re the one who left without a goodbye.” 

“Yeah.. that the reason you’re calling?” 

“Naah, just wanted to ask when we were supposed to be at Tool’s again.” 

_Damn it_ , so much for dodging Lee, he totally forgot they were supposed to meet today. But even though it wasn’t normal for Barney to forget appointments, it was even more unusual for Lee.

“At fifteen hundred should be fine.” 

“Alright, see you there.” 

Barney hung up and was glad that Lee didn’t ask if he would pick him up. He was pissed at himself that he forgot their meeting, now he had only a few hours left to decide how he would face Lee and if he’d talk to him. Maggie already texted him twice since last night. Both texts just said “Talk to him!”. So much for asking for her advice. 

When Barney arrived at Tool’s, Lee’s Ducati was already parked, but Lee was nowhere to be seen and neither was Tool. Unexpectedly, Gunnar appeared, raising his hand in a salute, “hey Barney. Tool will be here in a minute. He asked if we could get some beer from the storage.” 

“Sure, I’ll get it.” 

Barney made his way to the door which was decorated with yet another dart board, this one only slightly knifed up. Gunnar had followed him, but Barney didn’t think anything of it, until he opened the door and Gunnar pushed him inside, instantly closing the door behind him. 

“Gunnar! What the hell?” Barney pounded on the door. 

“Been there, done that,” Lee’s deep voice came from a corner. 

“Lee? Wh..,” but Barney was interrupted by Gunnar’s voice through the door, “Maggie said you needed to talk, so talk. Oh, and Tool will be back in an hour, he’ll let you out.. probably. Bye guys!”

Barney turned around to find Lee sitting on a few beer crates in the far corner in the semi-shadow. 

“What the fuck is going on?” 

“Don’t look at me, I have no clue. Gunnar threw me in here just the same..,” Lee shrugged, “I tried to kill him, but he took my knife.” 

Barney snorted, “yeah, killing him sounds good right now. What was that about Maggie?”

Now it was Lee’s turn to snort, “you tell me. She’s your girlfriend, right?” He emphasized the word ‘girlfriend’.

Barney rolled his eyes, “she’s not my girlfriend and you know it.” 

“Seemed an awful lot like it. Or did someone just make it look like it?”  
“What are you saying?” 

“That it seemed you were more interested in my reaction than you were interested in Maggie. Sounds about right?” 

Barney just stared at Lee, not sure what to say, but he spoke on anyway, “that was your plan, Barney? Really? I expected more from you.” 

“Yeah? And you are oh so wise and knew what was up? So you decided to also do nothing? Come on, who you’re kidding?” Barney got louder with every word he said, he was pissed. 

Lee got up and walked over until he was right in front of Barney, “no, I’m not oh so wise. And I didn’t even consider.. liking you..” Barney interrupted him, “listen, I just wanted to give this thing one chance. Knowing that you’re not interested, we’ll just forget about it and be done.” 

“If, for once, you would listen instead of talk, please?” Barney drew his brows together, confused, but stayed quiet. 

“That I didn’t consider it doesn’t mean that I’m not considering it now. When I realized what you were doing with Maggie, I also realized that I wouldn’t like the thought of you being with someone else, so..” Lee stopped and only looked at Barney. He probably just remembered that they were more men of action than of talking. So he just gripped Barney’s shirt and pulled him forward until their mouths were pressed together. Both of them were completely still, too overwhelmed with the whole situation. 

When they parted, they stared at each other, but Lee broke the silence, now grinning at Barney, “we might need to work on that.” Barney chuckled, but then seemed to realize something, “you do notice that my plan did work, right? You _have been_ jealous!”

Lee rolled his eyes, seemingly not happy with Barney’s implementation, “god, I wish I had my knife right now.”

Barney laughed, “yeah, I bet you do.” but Lee interrupted him by angrily kissing him again. When Lee pulled back, he asked, “but seriously, did you ever consider just talking to me?” 

“That was not really an option,” Barney shrugged. 

“And that’s why morons need friends!” Lee rolled his eyes again. 

Barney didn’t know if he was talking about Barney or the morons that put them in here, but it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that Lee kissed him again, less angry now. And even though this time it came closer to a real kiss, Barney would be glad to practice some more. 

  
  



End file.
